So this post may be the hardest I will ever have to write...Sadly, Luke and I lost the baby this weekend. It has been to date the longest, most difficult weekend of my life.
I have gone through a wide range of emotions over the past 4 days. I have found myself angry, confused, depressed, and hurt. I can not understand why the Lord would allow this into our lives after trying to conceive for so long. However, there are some things that He has made clear to me in the midst of my hurt. They are very simple: God is still in control, and He is still good! I may be angry and I may not understand, but He holds a purpose in all things. My sweet husband keeps on reminding me of the story of Job. Job was a righteous man, and yet the Lord allowed immense hurt into his life for ultimately one purpose...He knew that despite the circumstances of life, Job was going to praise the Lord through it all. In Job 2:9, Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Oh, how this applies to our family right now. The Lord has blessed us with the ability to conceive. He gave us a few short days of life within me to realize that. For whatever reason now, He has taken away, but we will still praise His name! After Jobs' wife tells him to curse God and die, Job replies in 2:10, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Just less than one week ago, I wrote about the Lords goodness to our family because He had given to us. Now I am writing about the Lords goodness even though He has taken away. I know that we live in an imperfect world where imperfect things happen and until we are in His presence at home in Heaven, we have to expect and accept "trouble" just as we would "good".
Praise the Lord with me for He is good!
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